Independence Day: Counterattack . BladeRunner 2049 . Transformers: The Last Knight . There’s no denying that we’re neck-deep in an era of movie sequels.
Of course we understand the temptation to revive the popularity of classic movies. But there are times when the original movies have been so poorly received that it’s almost unbelievable that anyone would even think of making a sequel to something like that.
1. Big boys
Sequel: Big Boys 2
A selection of very famous and powerful American comedians, including Rob Scheider, Kevin James, Adam Sandler, David Spade and Chris Rock (who should know what he was getting into better than anyone) came together to star in this childish monstrosity of the lowest quality, where five ex-basketball players get together again 30 years later to make bad taste jokes non-stop.
Tim Robey of The Telegraph described it as “It’s like sitting at a table with all the bullies who made your life miserable at school.” Three years later they sat at the same table with us once again.
2. Gigolo
Sequel: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
“Slow”. “Raw”. “Totally disposable.” Those are just a few of the kind words critics have heaped on this film about a man who turns to prostitution so he can buy a new aquarium (although he never gets to have sex with his female clients. You can imagine how humiliating that can be).
Obviously, what this slob really needed was to move to another continent and give cameos to Rachel Stevens, Kelly Brook, and Alex Zane.
3. Annabelle
Secuela: Annabelle: Creation
This spooky doll spin-off was released on the heels of the massive success of The Warren File: The Conjuring . It is seedy, absurd, silly and condescending to horror fans.
The theme was that The Conjuring expanded universe grew out of proportion, and wasting the market for horror dolls would have been a waste of a lot of money.
So they made a sequel, which actually turned out to be a prequel, which cleverly picked up Annabelle’s story and made it much more interesting and terrifying. Well done.
4. Planes
Sequel: Planes: Rescue Team
This movie is a spin-off of Cars , Pixar’s less popular (but seemingly immortal) franchise. This time it wasn’t made by Pixar, it was commissioned by Disney, and it has a shockingly low rating on Rotten Tomatoes for the most famous animation factory in history. It’s a pretty crappy, slow, and very boring story about a plucky underdog who – guess what? – He manages to emerge victorious despite the difficulties he encounters. The sequel is slightly better, but still completely undesirable.
5. Sex and the City: The Movie
Sequel: Sex and the City 2
Four years after the TV series ended, the best that can be said about this film is that it was complete nonsense, to which Jennifer Hudson was added to show that the plot was totally inclusive and diverse.
Still, it met with considerable success, as did the sequel, which centered on a trip to Abu Dhabi and is mostly remembered as one of the rudest, most offensive and disgusting stories ever made on film.
6. Fantastic Four
Sequel: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
We are facing one of the most hated superhero movies in history. A boring story, a lame sense of humor, and some pretty cheesy special effects (sorry Chris Evans, we really love you). Of course, it had a sequel, which was only slightly better.
(Note: the relative lack of merit of these two films would be insignificant were it not for the fact that Fox released a new adaptation in 2015, which was an absolute disaster)
7. Alien vs Predator
Sequel: Alien vs. predator 2
This is a terrifying head-on collision between “an uncontrolled movie made to satisfy fans” and “a movie based on a video game made by Paul WS Anderson.” Alien vs Predator proved, once and for all, that reality can be too absurd and impossible to bear, never mind that you previously thought that making a movie about two types of mute aliens trying to kill each other might be a good idea.
Most people thought one bad one was enough, but someone missed all of that and we ended up with a ‘Predalien’ about a school whose lights were permanently out.
8. Ouija
Sequel: Ouija 2: Origin of Evil
A low point for Blumhouse Productions. This is a more than lame horror movie about the terrifying Ouija board game and an evil spirit, where we see a group of people sitting around a table that makes everything boring and repetitive. However, it raised quite a bit of money, surprisingly spawning a sequel (which was a prequel). What was perhaps more surprising is that the sequel is pretty good.
9. Ghost Rider
Sequel: Ghost Rider 2
Nicolas Cage, a great fan of superhero comics, was about to do Superman Lives with Tim Burton, and ended up playing Ghost Rider, a character almost forgotten in the comic book universe. A dubious merit, therefore. Because the original film did moderately well at the box office, a sequel was made for half the budget, which received even worse reviews.
